Ah – The Single Life. (Pros and Cons. Mainly the Pros…)

Ah – The Single Life. 

I have maybe TWO -or three- words of advice on potentially dating someone you’ve liked/loved for about 7-8 years, or well, anybody really.

1. Don’t involve your friends. Really.
     a) Why? Dude… Friends just… Wow. Yeah, some -if not most- should be really supportive. Unless you’re like me, then they’re really supportive, telling you to hurry up and ask them to dinner or whatever. When you FINALLY do -for me, after 8 long years- they’re happy at first. Then, they get jealous. They tell you they’re happy, but you can hardly get a word out of them anymore. Then it affects you, because you become irritated at them, and everybody else can feel your irritation, and it becomes a freakin-cycle. 

       b.) This goes for BOTH sexes – Male and Female. 


2. If it sounds too GOOD to be True? – Sadly, it probably is. 
      a.) But, don’t take my word for it! (Thank you, Geordi LaForge. Oi, wait, sorry, Levar Burton…) 

       b.) So, you’ve liked this girl, guy, alien, whatever. You’re on the first go-out, or whatever it’s called these days. You think they’re the type to listen to this certain type of music (especially types around their ages, or style. For mine, I thought; REO Speedwagon, Led Zeppelin, AC/DC…) and then you find out it’s the COMPLETE opposite of what even looks like their style or their age, and what you originally thought. And the whole movie/show thing. Hobbies and Interests are usually equal, if not at least a little balanced out. BUT – when you hear that there’s “no way you could get me to…” or “Persuade me to…” Well, the door of compromise really does seem like it’s closed, doesn’t it?


Fact is – a Relationship or Friendship of any kind? It requires Compromise. If there is none there, – Move on (and don’t forget to ‘Live Long and Prosper’)….


3. If you don’t feel it, Move on.
     a.) Like I’ve said, I have felt this strong emotion/feeling for this beautiful man. Yes – he is still so beautiful to me. His soul, firstly. I’m not highly spiritual (though I believe in God, Heaven, Hell…etc), but I have a way with emotions/feelings/etc. He’s beautiful, and well, I still have a feeling for him. I’d still like to be friends. But, I had to realize (and maybe it was a good thing), that there wasn’t any compromise. We both are seemingly at two diferent stages in our lives. 

I’m ONLY 21. I haven’t lived yet, damn-it. I have a shite ton left to do. A HUGE-ass bucketlist to finish before I’m like 30. Then I’ll work on my 2nd List then…. But, I thought I was Oh-So-Willing to give everything up that I myself wanted, settle down, have a kid or two of my own.

But I’m not. 

I wanna flight-tend, bar-tend, Perform, Act (yes, I know, almost the same), learn new tricks like play the piano or guitar. Sing. Do what I want, when I want, without having to ask. I wanna see Pompeii, Stonehenge, entirety of London, Europe, Ireland, Scotland, England (yes yes, I know), Germany, Canada, and Hell – the REST of the United States and maybe twice! 

So much to do, so little time.

It IS hard for me though. Seven – eight – years of this particular feeling is not going to go away so quick. Not when this person has made me so giddy and smiley and laughy. All that creep-tastic jazz. 

But, I gotta do what’s right for me. Find someone willing to live with MY choices and me theirs, and share each others’ dreams. 


I wish I could say the right things to myself. But I can’t. I just know what I CAN do.


Ellie Mae.


PS: By the way, I’m open to any conversation of agreement, disagreement, or commegreement (Comment, basically), whether harsh, good, or just plain Okay. 🙂


I’ve got 99 Problems….

So – I’ve got 99 Problems. (More like just one I suppose.)

Here’s a short-ish rant. 

I have a fifteen year old brother who is like me in only ONE way. 

You guessed it. World. Of. Warcraft. 

I absolutely have a thing of playing a hot night-elf, to be honest. LOL. 

Sadly, with college and when I was working 10-12 hour shifts in a factory (night shift, no less), I didn’t have time, or energy. Zzzzzzz. So my brother took over, and I’ve been okay with that.

Until the other month. Since something is wrong with his HD (the computer place in town thinks it’s slowly failing); he randomly picked up my laptop the other month. Yeah, Okay, no problem. He doesn’t snoop. And I don’t really have anything that’s utter shite on there anyways. Just a bunch of ‘Supernatural’ and ‘Star Trek’ stuff. Music, and random edits and then you have my book I’m writing, and my fanfiction. Woot. Then Sims 3 games, Star Trek Online, the new Trek game, and well, I can go on about this forever.

Okay – so, you know, I wish he’d have asked for the laptop, and I would’ve let him use it.

I get back from Columbus, go to get on it (but I decided to read a story on my iPod first), and my brother snatches it out of MY bag before I can. WTF.

I tell him, like twice, no – three times – that I need my laptop for my assignment that was due yesterday. He gives me this dirty look and takes it anyways. And what the crappy part was? Mom tells me to use HER laptop. Uhm, sorry, my report is on MINE.

Needless to say, the report wasn’t finished, and I didn’t even go to my classes cause I’ve been sick. Blah. So I missed a good Criminalistics I class and a Biology 101 test. Yay-Freaking-Me. But, what can I say? I live an HOUR from college, an Hour and a Half on a Monday morning or Friday evening, and being as crap as I was, yeah, I didn’t do anything. 


Okay – Rant over. I suppose ya’ll can understand my frustration. 15 year old sibling, acting like a smart-ass. Yeah, not needed.


This ends my rant. Check back for a new post! (I think I’ll shove one out in the next 10.)


And in the words of me…..



Ellie Mae.

PS: My quote is from Friday night, in the hotel, there was this really cute guy (I’ll tell more about my whole single-status and how great I feel right now) in the elevator, and uh, when he walked out, I basically said loudly, “OMIGawd! Tootles!” *Elevator doors close*


Psychiatric Help: 25cents

Hello, all. =]

I promise, I’m not dry. I’m more of the OmgI’mGoingToSpontaneouslyCombustofRandomExcitement. Or just in laymens terms, I’m a really happy person. Or rather, excited. 

I turned 21 this past March (2013), and for the first time in my entire life, I feel alive. Well, as alive as I can feel, considering that the government considers me to still be “dependent” in my financial status. At least until I’m 24. Okay – so, what do I do, with an Associates degree, for three years, until I can go back to college and be able to afford it?

At this point, I will owe like $13,000 in loan. For a simple, 2-year (that’s taken me 3.5 years) Associates degree in Police Science. From what I suppose they now call a “community college”, even though supposedly they have named our college the 9th top college in the nation. Oh wow….

Enough about that, I suppose.

During my recent trip to Columbus, Ohio (I live like 2 hours away), I met one of my new Best Friends, Rynne. The girl is amazing. We’re both writers, and have been through so much in our lives, and we can relate to each other a ton. We had been talking for a few months now, chatting, and obsessing over Star Trek. Yes, I am a ‘Trekkie’. Go me. 

I have never been to the Easton mall in Columbus, at all. So, at like, 10:30am on Saturday, Rynne took us over to the mall so she could pick her Mac up from the Apple Store. Holy. Poo. I have NEVER been in an Apple Store. Never. And I loved it. I have never been in half of the stores that are at Easton. 

I mean – you’ve got NY&Co, Tiffany’s, Macy’s, (I mean, freakin’ Macy’s!), AMC Theatre, our old Hot Topic that relocated, and they even had PAYPHONES. Yes. Payphones. Not only. But they have the RedTelephoneBoxesfromLONDON. Or well, the plastic replica’s at least. Still. OMG. :3

So, plenty of pics, the best PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte) I have ever tasted from Starbucks (<3), walking, and just looking. Okay – I might have tried on some amazing dresses too. 

Which – is an exciting story in itself. Since August 2013, I have lost 20 pounds, 3-4 sizes. I went from an 18-20, to a 15-16, 12-14. From an XL to a M-L. To be able to try on a TON of new things waaaay smaller than I’ve wore for YEARS, well, it’s enough to make you cry, considering your clothes come from Goodwill, because you can afford Goodwill, and you don’t mind, though you crave to buy new and amazing. 

So, I entered a Talent search agency the other day. Hoping for the Absolute best. Seriously. All I’ve ever really wanted in life, is to do the impossible. I’ve spent 18 years, putting myself down. (OK – maybe not eighteen…more like fifteen…) And now, I just want my chance to feel as amazing as I should. I look great, I’m a work in progress. I’m finding out who I really am supposed to be in life. I’m a Lover of the Philosophical. Fearless. Happy. 

I suppose until my plans are concrete, I’m going with; Moving to Columbus after May, Try to build up experience with the Arts, become a flight attendant, work hard, Dream big. Continue being Fearless. Worthy. Happy. 

Until next time,

Ellie Mae. 

PS: I would Love to hear from anybody who reads this. Maybe tomorrow I’ll bless you with a Philosophy lesson or something from my wise brain. ;P