The Terrifying yet Amazing Emotions of a First Relationship <3

Hello again. 🙂

 

Sorry for my really long absence. College stuff started to pile up and everything, lack of sleep, and then I started the Super Shred which made me want to sleep forever as well. And then there’s been the times I’ve been going on dates with this amazing person.

 

Since this is very public, I won’t release too much information about him. But, let’s just say, he really is an amazing person, and he brings a silly smile to my face all the time. I wish I would have met him earlier and had the chance to get to know him then. BUT, everything happens at certain times for a reason.

 

Anyways, this person was the one I had mentioned back on Veteran’s Day 2013 in the post: https://elliemae21.wordpress.com/2013/11/11/why-dating-may-not-seem-such-a-bad-idea-after-all/

 

No, we’re not really ‘dating’ yet. But if he asked me, I’d say yes in a heartbeat. It became official April 6th, 2014. 🙂

 

There’s just something about him (without running the risk of sounding really clingy and desperate) that makes everything seem so much better. Whenever I get a text on my phone from him, it makes me smile like one of those silly schoolgirls. Whenever I get to see him, life sorta seems to disappear and there’s only the now and present.

 

He makes me feel worthy to be liked and possibly more, that I’m only just being too hard on myself, when honestly, I would just feel ashamed of myself because I’ve never been that worthy person. I went through all my life being told by other people that I would never fit in, never be good enough. My mother tried to convince me otherwise, but it’s hard to realize that.

 

This person could be going out with someone so much better than I, and yet here we are, going out together.

Happiness aside, I’m not really sure how to explain it, really. This person listens to what I have to say, and I listen to what he has to say. He opens the doors for me. He’s so respectful that sometimes I have to remind myself that there are still guys out there that care. It’s almost really foreign to me. LOL.

 

We have a bit of interests and a bit of differences. In all honesty, I feel it balances everything out, and I like that. When we’re talking to each other, there’s so much eye contact, and especially since I really like his eyes, I really enjoy that.

 

So, I realize I’m being really cheesy. I can’t help it. Amazing person = Amazing thoughts. I’m always afraid and I’ll think to myself ‘what if I mess all of this up?’ ‘what if I say the wrong thing, offend him or come off too forward?’

 

I mean, my mouth has no stupid filter when I’m really comfortable around somebody (meaning I’m totally random and not shy). Seriously. And it’s like, when I’m around him, I’m very comfortable (yet sorta still on my toes) and I just say things that I want. No, I don’t curse or anything like that around him, by not having a filter, I just, sometimes I think that I might just overshare something one day and this all would blow up in my face.

 

Obviously, when you’re going out with somebody and they’re trying to get to know you, they want you to be yourself and not someone you make up. But, still, there’s… boundaries to that.

 

Personally, I have boundaries, but at the same time, I don’t.

 

Honestly, I’m a little nervous about posting this, in case he actually reads my blog and thinks this is entirely dumb. I have a feeling that he won’t, but whatever. A part of me will always feel cautious around anybody.

 

I have so much more to say about this awesome person, but I won’t give away everything just yet. 😉

 

Until next time.

XO,

Ellie

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